Facebook

ok so its noon and i have spent all morning on facebook im am very addicted to Farmville. This is my connection to the outside world.
other than that i have nothing to report so far today has been pretty good.
I miss the kids though they been gone almost a week can't wait for them to get back!!!!
hope they have a good new years with their dad, Im gonna sit on the couch in NML and watch a movie or 2 and eat firey wings from KFC. WHOOOO HOOOO bringing in the new year with a bang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11pm getting ready to head home god i hate being stuck in the truck all day it makes me very cranky

NEW YEARS DOWN THE DRAIN looks like gonna be spending another holiday home alone just like thanksgiving and christmas. No friends no family no life

OUT OF THE HOUSE well its almost 9:30am here and im on the road in Hubby's work truck get to get outta the house today and spend it in the truck but the kids are good so i night as well take advantage of it while i can. Hope we don't run into Grinch and Mouth today don't think i can deal with them.

Testing phone

Emotional Meltdown

OK well last night i went to work with Hubby just to get outta the house (all i do is sit in the truck, but its a change of scenery). As soon as i got to the rig Hubby's friend (we will call him  Grinch) Grinch and his girlfriend Mouth were there and the first thing Mouth does is "So Grinch says Hubby said you were depressed whats wrong with you?". Well first off I told Hubby i didn't want anyone to know was going to the Dr. after things got settled from the holidays, and i don't want anyone feeling sorry for me or making me their little pity project!!!
Hubby betrayed me and to of all people Grinch and his Mouth. These are the friends that are only there when you got something they need otherwise nada from them. They totaly did what i knew would happen now all of a sudden they want me to come hang out with mouth and go get my nails done, ect... well long story short now they know and so will everyone else we know so i totaly had a emotional breakdown i cried for hours and HATE Hubby. I was dealing with my issues I was a little bitchy with people but that was easier to deal with than crying i knew once i let myself go that much it would be hell pulling myself out of it. Well since Hubby betrayed me which in turn embarrased and humiliated me I couldn't hold back the emotions anymore, and that began my emotional breakdown.  I cried until I couldn't breath, cought my breath and cried some more, the more i cried the more humiliated i got for not being strong enough to deal with it all ,so i cried harder. No matter how hard i tried i could not shut it off, i could not stop.....
Now it's today and i am not crying anymore, I feel a little more in control of myself , but i don't want to see or talk to anyone. I'm afraid, afraid i won't be able to hold the ropes around my emotions if something gets to me, and i can't deal with breaking down in front of others, I would rather put a bullet in my head than have them pity me.
I don't want to become their project, they cant fix me. If  they were true friends they would have been there just to be there all along, before i was broken, and just maybe i wouldn't have crumbled in the first place!!!!!!!!

Hubby called

Hubby had a meeting today at work guess they decided to take there monthly bonus away. They are gonna start doing them every 3 mths now. THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP ASSHOLES we were counting on this months bonus to get caught up after Christmas. They are famous for "we want you to do more work but we are going to take more shit away from you so deal with it and work harded cause 22 hrs a day ain't enough"