ok so its noon and i have spent all morning on facebook im am very addicted to Farmville. This is my connection to the outside world.
other than that i have nothing to report so far today has been pretty good.
I miss the kids though they been gone almost a week can't wait for them to get back!!!!
hope they have a good new years with their dad, Im gonna sit on the couch in NML and watch a movie or 2 and eat firey wings from KFC. WHOOOO HOOOO bringing in the new year with a bang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Emotional Meltdown
OK well last night i went to work with Hubby just to get outta the house (all i do is sit in the truck, but its a change of scenery). As soon as i got to the rig Hubby's friend (we will call him Grinch) Grinch and his girlfriend Mouth were there and the first thing Mouth does is "So Grinch says Hubby said you were depressed whats wrong with you?". Well first off I told Hubby i didn't want anyone to know was going to the Dr. after things got settled from the holidays, and i don't want anyone feeling sorry for me or making me their little pity project!!!
Hubby betrayed me and to of all people Grinch and his Mouth. These are the friends that are only there when you got something they need otherwise nada from them. They totaly did what i knew would happen now all of a sudden they want me to come hang out with mouth and go get my nails done, ect... well long story short now they know and so will everyone else we know so i totaly had a emotional breakdown i cried for hours and HATE Hubby. I was dealing with my issues I was a little bitchy with people but that was easier to deal with than crying i knew once i let myself go that much it would be hell pulling myself out of it. Well since Hubby betrayed me which in turn embarrased and humiliated me I couldn't hold back the emotions anymore, and that began my emotional breakdown. I cried until I couldn't breath, cought my breath and cried some more, the more i cried the more humiliated i got for not being strong enough to deal with it all ,so i cried harder. No matter how hard i tried i could not shut it off, i could not stop.....
Now it's today and i am not crying anymore, I feel a little more in control of myself , but i don't want to see or talk to anyone. I'm afraid, afraid i won't be able to hold the ropes around my emotions if something gets to me, and i can't deal with breaking down in front of others, I would rather put a bullet in my head than have them pity me.
I don't want to become their project, they cant fix me. If they were true friends they would have been there just to be there all along, before i was broken, and just maybe i wouldn't have crumbled in the first place!!!!!!!!
Hubby betrayed me and to of all people Grinch and his Mouth. These are the friends that are only there when you got something they need otherwise nada from them. They totaly did what i knew would happen now all of a sudden they want me to come hang out with mouth and go get my nails done, ect... well long story short now they know and so will everyone else we know so i totaly had a emotional breakdown i cried for hours and HATE Hubby. I was dealing with my issues I was a little bitchy with people but that was easier to deal with than crying i knew once i let myself go that much it would be hell pulling myself out of it. Well since Hubby betrayed me which in turn embarrased and humiliated me I couldn't hold back the emotions anymore, and that began my emotional breakdown. I cried until I couldn't breath, cought my breath and cried some more, the more i cried the more humiliated i got for not being strong enough to deal with it all ,so i cried harder. No matter how hard i tried i could not shut it off, i could not stop.....
Now it's today and i am not crying anymore, I feel a little more in control of myself , but i don't want to see or talk to anyone. I'm afraid, afraid i won't be able to hold the ropes around my emotions if something gets to me, and i can't deal with breaking down in front of others, I would rather put a bullet in my head than have them pity me.
I don't want to become their project, they cant fix me. If they were true friends they would have been there just to be there all along, before i was broken, and just maybe i wouldn't have crumbled in the first place!!!!!!!!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Hubby called
Hubby had a meeting today at work guess they decided to take there monthly bonus away. They are gonna start doing them every 3 mths now. THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP ASSHOLES we were counting on this months bonus to get caught up after Christmas. They are famous for "we want you to do more work but we are going to take more shit away from you so deal with it and work harded cause 22 hrs a day ain't enough"
Intro to the life of a lonely housewife
About me :
31 yrs old
mother of 3 we will call them T (girl 13 yrs) , D (boy 12yrs) & K (girl 11yrs)
married to a man that is married to his job we will call him Hubby
I live in the country ( thats where Hubby always wanted to live) it's really more like no mans land, 10 miles to the nearest town. so we will refer to home as NML
I have no car , no job, no phone service in NML i do have a house phone but cant call long distance on it and well again inNML everything is long distance,and no friends unless they need something i don't hear from or see them.
I stay at NML 24hrs a day 7 days a week sometime for several weeks at a time.
I am a very depressed & bitter bitch most of the time nowdays, i wasnt always like this.
Once I was a happy outgoing woman I had a life outside these four walls (this was before we moved to NML) I loved to be around people and absolutly LOVED being with Hubby and the kids, I laughed and played and smiled alot . Now i hate life,people and really don't wanna be around Hubby or the kids I LOVE them very much and cant imagine not haveing them I just don't like them very much right now, and i absolutly hate me. I use to be 115lbs now im 148lbs 5ft 1 and feel like a fat cow i was going to the gym and started loosing weight and was feeling pretty good about myself then we moved to NML and i never leave the house so whats the point in looking good, most days i dont even get out of my pj's. Hell truth be told most days i just sit here and cry.
I know im depressed but can't change the situation im in so i just gotta live with it, thats getting really hard to do somedays.
I haven't had sex with Hubby in over a month, I try everything but he don't wanna when we do on average of once a month i usualy have to beg. he's to tired, to stressed with work or don't feel well most of the time.
We use to have a awesome sex life, 6 times a day, forplay, all that now its just well wham bam thanks till next month.
well thats my life story over the last 6 mth or so since moving to NML now you are pretty much caught up on the basics so ill sign off till tomorrow. or till i have something else to say!
31 yrs old
mother of 3 we will call them T (girl 13 yrs) , D (boy 12yrs) & K (girl 11yrs)
married to a man that is married to his job we will call him Hubby
I live in the country ( thats where Hubby always wanted to live) it's really more like no mans land, 10 miles to the nearest town. so we will refer to home as NML
I have no car , no job, no phone service in NML i do have a house phone but cant call long distance on it and well again inNML everything is long distance,and no friends unless they need something i don't hear from or see them.
I stay at NML 24hrs a day 7 days a week sometime for several weeks at a time.
I am a very depressed & bitter bitch most of the time nowdays, i wasnt always like this.
Once I was a happy outgoing woman I had a life outside these four walls (this was before we moved to NML) I loved to be around people and absolutly LOVED being with Hubby and the kids, I laughed and played and smiled alot . Now i hate life,people and really don't wanna be around Hubby or the kids I LOVE them very much and cant imagine not haveing them I just don't like them very much right now, and i absolutly hate me. I use to be 115lbs now im 148lbs 5ft 1 and feel like a fat cow i was going to the gym and started loosing weight and was feeling pretty good about myself then we moved to NML and i never leave the house so whats the point in looking good, most days i dont even get out of my pj's. Hell truth be told most days i just sit here and cry.
I know im depressed but can't change the situation im in so i just gotta live with it, thats getting really hard to do somedays.
I haven't had sex with Hubby in over a month, I try everything but he don't wanna when we do on average of once a month i usualy have to beg. he's to tired, to stressed with work or don't feel well most of the time.
We use to have a awesome sex life, 6 times a day, forplay, all that now its just well wham bam thanks till next month.
well thats my life story over the last 6 mth or so since moving to NML now you are pretty much caught up on the basics so ill sign off till tomorrow. or till i have something else to say!
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